


Some Secrets Can't Be Kept

by teddybeare12



Series: Old Habits Die Hard [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, I need help, Im sorry omg, Langst, Notebook, Pining Keith (Voltron), Sadness, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, different point of view, general pain, painful experience
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2019-05-04 17:12:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14597766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teddybeare12/pseuds/teddybeare12
Summary: Keith had scoffed at the others while they panicked over Lance, but he slowly realizes that maybe they really did have to worry.





	Some Secrets Can't Be Kept

**Author's Note:**

> Here's that one-shot that I promised. It basically goes from the time that Keith finds the notebook until after they stop Lance's attempt. I hope that it's not too painful, but if it is... I'm not sorry.

Somehow, during the chaos of everyone's pointless fear over Lance's potential and improbable actions, Shiro, Allura, Pidge, and Hunk decided that it would be best to check Lance's room for anything that he could potentially use to do damage to himself with.

 

Now, Keith thought that this idea was ridiculous. For one, Lance wouldn't do anything... well, nothing fatal, at least, but that was all that Keith asked for. Lance seemed to be doing better in the past week, and Keith trusted that Lance would come to him before he decided to do anything stupid. Just like Keith had come to Lance when he had been feeling anxious just a few days ago. He'd never been good at feelings, but it was always extremely easy to talk to Lance about whatever Keith needed to. Keith hoped that Lance felt the same way. There was no reason to be this paranoid over him. Other than the fact that this was just over the top and ridiculous, Keith thought that this whole ordeal was just a huge invasion of privacy. It's definitely not fair to Lance to just check his room without him even knowing what they were doing. Although, if he knew what they were doing, then it would probably ruin the whole point of the check in the first place, but it still wasn't fair to Lance.

 

All of these things were reasons why Keith was frustrated with the rest of the team at the moment. But... Keith was also curious and maybe a bit nosy, so he tagged along with the rest of them as they frantically sought after any evidence that suggested that Lance was going to do something that he would regret.

 

Keith watched with slight amusement as the rest of the team, besides Lance, obviously, rapidly made their way around the small room, trying not to get into each other's way and failing. He watched as Shiro checked in Lance's beside table, Allura checked in his bathroom, Hunk looked in his closet, and as Pidge double checked behind them all just to be sure. All of this would have been hilarious if it hadn't have been so goddamn wrong. It's just not right to look through other people's things without their permission. That was partially why Keith hated mind melds as much as Lance did. Well... maybe not that much, but he hated them immensely.

 

Once Keith got bored of standing in the doorway and watching, he decided to waltz over to Allura and ask her if she had found anything. However, as he was making his way over to her, he tripped over something (most likely his own two feet) and landed face first on the floor beside Lance's bed.

 

"Ow," Keith mumbled to himself. He looked around the room and saw that no one had even noticed that he had fallen in the first place. Now this made Keith chuckle. They were that absorbed in their superficial and pointless mission, huh?

 

Keith would have said something sarcastic to them all to let them know how ridiculous they were being if he hadn't have noticed something that caught his eye. He saw that Lance's mattress was a bit shifted in a way that looked just a bit suspicious. Curious as to why Keith got such an odd feeling from looking at the shift, Keith pushed himself off of the floor and made his way over to Lance's bed. He lifted the mattress easily, surprised at how light it was, and saw a small notebook that had been hidden underneath it. Normally, Keith wouldn't have even bothered to move the damn thing. It wasn't his place to read something that probably contained personal information... but he was curious as to what was in it that was so bad that Lance had felt the need to hide it.

 

It's a bad idea. Don't do it.

 

But... it's so tempting. Why was he hiding the notebook? Oh, god. He just has to know.

 

Keith pulled the notebook out from under the mattress, ignoring the little voice in the back of his mind that was telling him that he would regret what he's about to do. He put the mattress back in it's original spot and settled down on top of it. Keith brushed his hand over the cover of the notebook and saw slightly yellow and frayed pages as he flipped through. He couldn't find anything in the later pages of the book (which makes sense), so he flipped to the first page of the notebook. His eyes settle onto slightly messy but obviously carefully crafted note, and he starts reading to find out what secret Lance was hiding.

 

The bustling continues around him, but eventually becomes tuned out as Keith focuses more and more on what the words are saying. His eyebrows crease together as he gets farther and farther into the note that Lance had written.

 

This was a goodbye note. A note that should only be read after Lance was dead. Keith had found Lance's fucking suicide note. Oh my god, Lance! Where's Lance now? What is he doing? Is he doing something now that might-

 

Keith takes a deep breath and tries to calm down. Maybe it wasn't what he thought. Maybe he was overreacting. He needs to ask Lance. Find out what's going on.

 

As Keith makes his way down the hallway to the place where he knows that Lance likes to sit and relax, he gets more and more upset with each step. Keith had been wrong about Lance. Lance wouldn't talk to Keith before he did something stupid. Lance would readily just end it all, and who knew how far Lance had gotten with his plan. Maybe he'd already done it.

 

This thought makes Keith speed up a little bit, but instead of making him feel fear and anxiety, it made him feel even more angry. This was stupid.

 

Lance should have fucking told Keith what was going on. Keith thought that Lance wouldn't do anything. Keith vouched for him in front of the others. Keith told them that Lance wouldn't do anything like this, but that obviously wasn't the truth. Lance must be completely stupid not to see that Keith cares for him. He cares so much about him. So, so much. In... Lance's note... Lance had said that he... loved Keith.

 

Keith stopped for just a moment after remembering this detail, feeling only shock and maybe a bit of joy, but he vigorously shook his head and continued to move even more quickly and with a newfound anger. God, if he'd just lost his fucking idiot of a crush, then he would find some way to resurrect the bitch and then slit his fucking throat again.

 

Or... maybe he wouldn't do that.

 

Keith would want to see Lance's heartwarming smile again. He would want to see Lance's excellent, albeit clumsy, fighting technique. He would want to see Lance's face as Keith took his face in his hands and pressed his lips against Lance's... but that would come later. First, Keith would slap the stupidity right out of him. Lance was such an idiot. God, he really was! He had the audacity to say that he wasn't good enough for Keith. What a fucking bitch. What a terrible, terrible thing to think. It obviously wasn't true. If anything, Keith wasn't good enough for Lance. Lance and all of his perfection. Lance and the way that he could make Keith laugh. Lance and the way that he could keep up Keith's spirits even when he wasn't trying.

 

Keith stomped in through the door and quickly made his way over to the peaceful looking (and still alive, thank god) Lance. Lance looked so peaceful as he was staring out at the stars with a distant and sorrowful look in his eyes. Keith almost considered just leaving him there and talking to him later. He was super close to just doing it, too, when he looked down and saw the notebook that was still in his hands. He saw the note book, and he remembered what was written. He saw the notebook, and he remembered the thoughts that had run through his head as he had traveled down the empty halls in order to talk to Lance. He remembered, and it rekindled the fury that had temporarily gone dormant in his heart.

 

Keith lifted his hand and roughly tapped Lance's shoulder.

 

Lance turned around slowly and then his eyes widened as he saw what Keith was holding. He leaped up from his seat and threw off his headphones.

 

Keith was a little bit shocked at this. To Keith, Lance's dramatic reaction only served to increase his suspicions of what the note actually meant and concerned him a bit, but he kept his angry face up.

 

Lance opened his mouth as if he were about to say something, but Keith started talking before Lance could make any excuses.

 

"Lance, what the fuck is this?" He shouted with anger. He opened the notebook and showed Lance exactly what he was talking about just to be sure that there was no doubt in Lance's mind that Keith knew what was going on. "Why did you write this? Why?"

 

Lance simply stares at the floor and doesn't even move his mouth to speak. There's shame and fear written all over his face. His emotions are almost easier to read than the note that was plainly written in this goddamn notebook.

 

Seeing Lance now makes Keith finally process the full meaning of what was going on. Keith could lose Lance. He feels the realization hit him like a wall, and he accidentally speaks his thoughts out loud. "I... I thought that you wouldn't- I thought that you would tell me if you..." He can feel his facial features droop, and it takes everything that Keith has not to let a tear fall down his face to obviously show how he truly felt.

 

This somehow prompts Lance to speak after anxiously shuffling in place for a moment. "I wasn't actually going to-"

 

"Then why, Lance?" Keith finds himself angrily interrupting the boy before he can stop himself, but he doesn't really want to hear these lies anyways. "Why?"

 

"I... I was just... I wanted to have it. Just in case." Lance's answer is quiet and it's obvious that there's something deeper hidden behind it. Something that Keith needs to dig up from underneath the lies.

 

Now, Keith is already angry, but Lance's vague and multilayered answers only make him even more upset. "Oh my god, Lance," he groans quietly. "Just in case of what?"

 

There's silence again as Lance's eyes dart around the room. He has a look of confusion and sadness, so Keith let's him think for a moment. However, the silence lasts for much too long, so Keith decides to speak again to fill the void.

 

"Answer me, Lance." Keith is practically begging now, but he can't bring himself to care. He's worried. He's incredibly worried. "Please. Tell me what this is."

 

"It was just a precaution. For if I died somehow." With another evasive answer from Lance, and Keith's anger bubbles over. He decides to simply state what he wants to and see what comes of it. Maybe he'll get answers.

 

"Are you sure, Lance? Because this sure seems a lot like a suicide note to me."

 

Lance's eyes widen again, and he stammers out: "Keith, I swear, I wasn't going to-"

 

"Bullshit!" Keith finds himself screaming out what he's thinking in his head, and he can't stop himself. "That's bullshit!" It's so obvious that Lance is lying, and Keith is sick of it. He only wants help Lance. He really wants to help him. Keith can't lose Lance. He can't. But Keith can't help Lance if Lance won't fucking tell him what's wrong.

 

At this thought, Keith feels a tear fall down his cheek, and he takes a few steps back, shocked at his body's reaction. This... this isn't what Keith wanted. He didn't want to yell at Lance over this, but he was so scared. All of his sadness and guilt was being channeled into anger. Why was this happening? It shouldn't be happening.

 

Keith tries to hide his face from Lance as he whimpers quietly. "You're lying to me. I know you're lying to me."

 

Footsteps can be heard, and Keith removes his hands from his face to see Lance advancing towards him with a terrifying look on his face. It's intense and is directed right at the notebook in Keith's arms. It's clear what he's thinking, so Keith backs up and clutches the notebook to his chest. He refuses to let Lance go, and letting him get the notebook would be to help him complete one necessary step in Lance's plan, whatever that was. Keith looks quickly over to the doorway and knows that he has to tell the others about what's going on. Lance really was putting himself in danger, and that just wouldn't stand.

 

Lance obviously sees what Keith is thinking because his eyes widen, and he's suddenly shouting. "Keith! Please don't!" Silence. "Please, please don't. I swear to you, I wasn't going to do anything."

 

Lies! He's lying! Why is he lying? Why is Lance lying to Keith so much? What could he possibly have to gain?

 

Keith prepares himself to sprint out the door and screams out: "Liar! You're a fucking liar!"

 

Then he runs. He runs and runs and runs, and he's too afraid to look back to see Lance's reaction.

 

He's got to tell the others. Lance is going to do something terrible. He needs help. He can't lose Lance. He can't. He can't. No. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. He refuses. Keith won't let it happen. He won't.

 

Quick and incomprehensible thoughts dart through Keith's head as he runs to Lance's room to get help. What if Lance actually does something? What if Keith loses Lance? What will he do? He won't know what to do. Lance is too important to lose. He's too important to Keith, and Keith refuses to lose him. Oh, god. Oh, god. The environment slowly fades into static as Keith becomes more and more panicked over the entire situation, but he somehow manages to still find his way back to the others, who are just finishing their search, it seems.

 

He stops in Lance's door way, leaning against the door frame and trying to catch his breath before speaking. "Help!" Keith says desperately in between breaths. "Please, please help. Lance is going to kill himself. I know it. I was wrong. I was so, so wrong."

 

There's a few gasps before Shiro calmly (or seemingly calmly) speaks. "Let's go."

 

Then they're running down the hall together, trying to make it back to Lance as soon as possible, but they could never run fast enough. There's an air of fear and apprehension that surrounds the group as they run, and no one says a word the whole way there.

 

And as they reach the room, the scene that greets them makes Keith's heart stop.

 

There, crouched on the floor, is Lance. And he has his gun pointed at his head, and his eyes squeezed shut.

 

"Oh my god! No, Lance, no! Stop! Please!" Hunk shouts in a tone that Keith has never heard before that just terrifies him.

 

Pidge lets out a scream that chills Keith's bones.

 

Allura just collapses to the floor and doesn't move.

 

Time slows down as Keith sees Lance's eyes snap open, and his finger pull on the trigger.

 

It's Keith's fault. Oh, god. It's all Keith's fault. He yelled at Lance for no reason, and then left him alone. Lance is going to die, and it's all Keith's fault. Oh, god. No. No! No! Why is this happening? Why? Lance shouldn't die. He can't die. He can't. Please no. Please don't let this happen. Oh, god, please.

 

 _If anyone or anything is listening_ , Keith thinks desperately.  _Please help. Help help help help help. Help us._

 

The sound of a bullet hitting the wall is heard, and Keith's eyes widen, and he staggers before falling to his knees.

 

But when Keith's vision comes into focus again, he sees Lance pinned down to the floor by a heavily breathing and terrified looking Shiro. The gun is half way across the room, back in it's original bayard form, and it doesn't look like there's any blood. Is Lance okay, though? Please, god, say that he's okay.

 

Suddenly, Lance's eyes squeeze shut again, and he sobs loudly, his whole body shaking as tears run down his face.

 

 _Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I don't know who you are, but thank you_ , Keith silently prays.

 

The whole world slowly becomes blurry as Keith's emotions finally take over his consciousness, and the last thing that he thinks before darkness completely engulfs him is that he is so happy that Lance is alive.

 

So, so happy. And he won't let Lance forget that once he tells him.

 

Not ever.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay! Done and done. I'll hopefully update the actual fic tonight or tomorrow.
> 
> Please tell me what you think! Your comments always make my day.


End file.
